


and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared

by cluffords



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Lashton - Freeform, M/M, but also pretty sad, happy ending though so yay, i literally wrote this all between 1 and 5 am, its almost 2 am why am i not sleeping, sorry sorry sorry, this has a lot of fluff, wow i keep not writing michael and calum in lately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cluffords/pseuds/cluffords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Without thinking about it twice, Ashton got up from the couch and headed towards the door. He didn't even think about the fact that maybe he should be worried he was receiving an unexpected visitor at 2 in the morning; he just answered the door.</p><p>or luke comes to ashton when he's hurt even though some bad stuff has happened between them</p>
            </blockquote>





	and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gigglyjaehyun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglyjaehyun/gifts).



> yay so i was really happy the first time i wrote this but i kept reading through it and now it's just like uh eh. anyways i tried and uh sorry if you cry?? also haPPY BDAY MARIAH ILYSM AND YOU'RE SUPER AWESOME

Ashton figured it was around 2 a.m. when he heard the soft knocks on the door to his apartment. He'd been up watching some dumb movie, but mostly just for background noise. Without thinking about it twice, Ashton got up from the couch and headed towards the door. He didn't even think about the fact that maybe he should be worried he was receiving an unexpected visitor at 2 in the morning; he just answered the door.

But when he opened the door, his heart stopped for a total of 10 seconds. Standing outside his door was Luke, but he was barely recognizable. His cheeks were red from exhaustion, and the right one was also swelled under and around his eye. His right eye was already starting to close up. A red mark along his jawbone was starting to turn yellow-green. Blood ran in a line down his left cheek. His shirt was ripped across his abdomen and, like his jeans, covered with mud in various places. His breathing was shallow and ragged as he leaned his shoulder heavily against the door frame, and he kept his head down. 

Ashton reached out to grab Luke, and the boy all but collapsed forward in his arms. Ashton struggled as he supported Luke and carried him into the kitchen and sit him down on a chair. Luke started to slip off when Ashton let go, so Ashton cleared away the garbage on the coffee table and laid Luke across that. Luke made little groans and closed his one good eye tightly.

Ashton went to the kitchen and got a pack of frozen corn, a dry towel, and a wet towel. Returning quickly to Luke, Ashton wrapped the corn in the dry towel and set it against Luke's eye. The boy weakly brought his hand up to hold the corn up. He tried to turn his head to the side, but Ashton turned it back straight.

Ashton's hands shook as he touched the wet cloth to the line of blood on Luke's left cheek.

"Dirty knife," Luke muttered quietly.

Cursing, Ashton went to the bathroom and searched through all the cabinets. Finally, his eyes caught sight of a brown bottle labelled _hydrogen peroxide_. He returned to Luke's side and unscrewed the bottle. He pressed the cloth to the top and tipped the bottle upside down quickly. The smell from the chemical made his stomach clench. He set the bottle back down and hesitated over Luke's cheek.

"This is going to hurt like hell, Luke, okay?" Ashton said softly. Luke nodded slightly, but Ashton felt him press his free hand into Ashton's palm. He squeezed Luke's fingers back tightly. 

Ashton touched the soaked cloth to Luke's cheek, and Luke squeezed Ashton's fingers so hard, he was sure he'd broken at least one. Luke's body tensed all over, but Ashton continued to press the cloth down the line of blood. Luke clenched his good eye tighter, but otherwise didn't move too much. Ashton watched as the line started to turn white and puff up more. Clear discharge started to drip off the side of Luke's cheek, and Ashton wiped it away with the towel. The cut wasn't too deep, so Ashton thought that Luke wouldn't have too serious of a scar.

Next, Ashton worked on slipping off Luke's shirt, but the hurt boy was not up for it. Figuring that Luke wouldn't be too upset considering that his shirt was already in tatters, Ashton tore his shirt the rest of the way. More lines of blood criss-crossed his abdomen. At least these were even shallower than the one on his cheek. Carefully, Ashton cleaned up each line while Luke laid tense and rigid.

Finally, Ashton was done with cleaning all the cuts, and Luke let his body relax. His breath came out in short puffs. Ashton moved up to Luke's face, gently touching his neck and forehead.

"I'm sorry," Luke got out between breaths. "I'm sorry. You were the...the closest."

"Don't, Luke. Don't apologize." Ashton held back the pain in his chest. He tried to ignore all his thoughts screaming at him. _This is all my fault_.

Luke turned his face toward him, and Ashton realized that they were still gripping hands. Ashton tried to let go, but Luke held his hand tight.

"What happened, Luke?" Ashton asked the younger boy quietly.

Luke tried to take a deep breath, but it turned into a coughing fit. He leaned over the side of the coffee table until the fit stopped and then laid flat again. "I-I was walking around-" Luke flinched like he'd said something he didn't mean. "Just walking. Somebody grabbed me. I was walking past an alley. More in the alley. Two or three, I think. They didn't even-they didn't ask for my wallet or anything. Just started-started beating me up. One had a knife." Luke clenched his eye tight again, then opened it to focus on Ashton. Ashton had never seen them so blue. "They could have-could have..."

Luke didn't need to finish the sentence for Ashton to understand what he was saying. "But they didn't. That's all that matters." Luke nodded weakly, but Ashton thought he was only doing it for Ashton's sake.

Reluctantly, Ashton stood and checked the bathroom for anything useful. He found some gauze and taped some to Luke's cheek and abdomen. Taking away the frozen corn, Ashton grimaced at the sight of Luke's eye. It was already turning purple, and had swelled shut. Luke watched Ashton through his good eye and sighed. "It's not that bad," Ashton lied.

Luke turned his head to the side and said quietly, "I'm tired, Ash."

Ashton checked his phone and saw that it was nearly 4 a.m. He'd been cleaning Luke up for almost 2 hours. "You can sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch." Ashton flinched, but Luke didn't seem to notice. Two months ago, they both would have laughed at Ashton sleeping in the living room while Luke took his bed. They wouldn't have even considered it. _But then I had to go and_ -Ashton pushed the thoughts away.

Ashton let Luke lean on him as he led him to the bedroom. Helping to lower Luke into the bed, Ashton set him down carefully and pulled a blanket over Luke's long body. He had made it to the door when Luke called out his name. Ashton turned back around, but Luke was still lying flat in the bed. Ashton thought that he'd imagined Luke calling for him, but Luke spoke again: "Please. Please don't leave me in here alone."

"I'll just be in the room over, Luke." Ashton felt his stomach begin clench again. He thought he was going to throw up right there.

"Ashton. Please. I'm-" _Scared_. Luke didn't need to finish; Ashton could plainly hear it in his voice.

Ignoring every screaming thought and physical pain, Ashton walked back over to his own bed and climbed in next to Luke.

As they both laid there silently, Ashton's thoughts ran a marathon. _This used to be us_ , he thought bitterly. _Everything had been fine until I fucked up_. Ashton couldn't hold it back any more. He'd been blocking and ignoring what had happened, but now they came rushing back to him. The fight had started off about something so dumb, Ashton didn't even remember. He only remembered yelling at Luke, telling him that he meant nothing to Ashton. He just wanted Luke to get angry back, defend himself; but Luke had taken it to heart.

_"If that's what you really think, I'll show myself out. You won't see my useless self around here anymore."_

When the door had closed, Ashton had broken and fallen to the ground. He sobbed on the floor, wishing that he could just lay there forever. Ashton didn't leave his apartment for a week. He just sat on the couch, watching television, but not actually focusing on anything. He hardly ate. He didn't sleep. He didn't answer the door when Calum and Michael showed up. He didn't even try to contact Luke. He did nothing.

And now he hated himself. He'd been complaining and shutting it out, while Luke had been obviously wandering the streets at 2 a.m. to escape it. And look where he had still ended. _Maybe if I'd done something he wouldn't be_ -

Luke interrupted his thoughts. "It's not you fault."

Ashton sighed. "You don't have to-"

"What, lie? It's not a lie, Ash."

"How can it not be, Luke? How can you not blame me? How can you not hate me?"

"Lately I've been walking around the city at night instead of sleeping. I've been mindlessly trying to stay busy so I wouldn't have to think about you. I've put all my thoughts into anything that doesn't have to do with you. Not because I hate you. God, Ashton, how could I possibly hate you? I've been trying to keep you out of my thoughts because it _hurts_ to love you. It _hurts_ to think of you and not be able to see you. It _hurts_ to go to places we used to go to together and not be with you. It _hurts_ to remember being with you when I can't have you anymore."

Ashton closed his eyes. This was too much for him. He felt like everything was collapsing in on itself. His whole world was imploding.

Luke grabbed his hand from across the bed, and Ashton felt just a little bit more grounded. "Don't shut me out, Ash. Talk."

"I don't know why I didn't chase after you. I wanted you back immediately. But I just stayed here. I didn't even try to stop you. I just-" Ashton's voice broke.

"It doesn't matter," Luke whispered. "It doesn't-"

Before Luke could finish, Ashton raised himself up and brought his lips to Luke's. It had felt like an eternity since they'd kissed, but it had only been months. Ashton usually would let Luke lead kissed, regardless of who started it; but, this time, Ashton took control and upped the intensity quickly. He was hungry for Luke's lips. He'd been starving for months, missing him. He wanted to lose himself in the kiss, but Luke turned his head away after a minute.

"I don't care if you still think I'm useless and don't mean anything to you," Luke said with his only good eye closed.

"I don't-"

"Care. I don't care. You don't either."

"I'm sorry. I know that is completely pointless to say it now, but I need you to know that I mean it."

"I know you do, Ash."

Ashton rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His fingers were still intertwined with Luke's, and Ashton knew that when they woke in the morning, their legs and arms would be tangled from trying to get closer to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> also wanna thank all the people who have left kudos or comments on my other fanfics!! you guys are all awesome and ily all <3


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